The Untold Stories Of UNEB Results

For years, we have listened to success stories when national examination results are released by UNEB. The stars of the moment have told it all but I’m of the view that they have not been entirely honest in their narratives. I cannot exactly blame them because the blissful moments overrides their ingenious minds. I mean, even geniuses have an Achilles’ heel. It is those unheard of success stories that I intend to explore.

Ms Jessica Alupo, the Education minister (right) receiving UNEB results.

By the way, the genius who thought it wise for his/her fellow geniuses to receive national acclamation through appearing in newspapers deserves a medal. To whom it may concern; reserve a medal for the aforementioned on Heroes’ day this year.


Back to my story, I was saying our geniuses are merely bluffing and we  have always called their bluff. There is another side to their coin that they do not make known to us. If we had the power, we might have squeezed sincerity out of them. Their success stories are meant to inspire those if us who need some inspiration to get going but if they are selling us counterfeit stories then we might as well ask the newspaper vendors to give us back our money since they are abating the sale of fake stories.


“I thank God. I thank my teachers and as well as my classmates. Without their aid (of course not in the exam but before) I would not have exceled.”


“I thank my parents for their undivided support. Their sacrifice and generosity towards my cause.”


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Those are two stories I cannot refute. Every one does need God’s or any other supernatural being’s intervention at one moment in life. And so do we need support from our parents, siblings, classmates and teachers. It had be selfish of us not to dedicate our excellence to them. However, for years, many of our predecessors have said similar things. How about we press the genius button to say something different to the news reporters when they knock at our doors next?


“I feared getting lashed. For any silly mistake one made you had receive a lash. I feared I had receive twice the lashes for silly mistakes in national examinations. Thanks to my cane wielding teachers I’m standing tall.” Wow! That would be one awkwardly sincere but as well incriminating story (corporal punishment was banned years ago). This is a story many of our stars are supposed to share. In many a school, pupils as well as students are lashed for silliness, why then have we not heard this story before? Anyhow, its understandable, our stars forgive and forget those moments since they painstakingly yielded results.


“I fear failure. And it is that fear that has led me here. The thought of having to walk with my tail between my legs is one I couldn’t live with.” Now, genius ought to be different from the usual stuff. And that would at least wow us. I would buy more into it than the usual stuff. While it sounds cocky, that’s what I expect of a genius.


“Honestly speaking, I do not know how I got to score so highly. I expected to pass but not to excel.” That would be the most sincere star of the year. He/she at least spared sometime to pay homage to lady luck. That’s a rarity. There are so many individuals whose performance baffles them too but it never crosses their mind to be a little honest and tell the world of their academic miracle. They also choose to go on bluffing about so-and-so other than lady luck.


What the heck! If I too didn’t fashion any of the above answers then I had better keep my mouth shut.